Lonely Hearts Column
by Mass Effecting Your Pants
Summary: Naruto x Sasuke. High School AU, Drama, Angst, Humour, Pre-slash. "What the hell was I supposed to think Sasuke? It was pretty obvious what was going on. I walk in and you're-" Here Naruto stumbled but picked himself up quickly, "I walk in and you're having sex with my girlfriend!"


_A lot of the time, high school felt like one big tv drama XD Oh yes, don't get sucked in by the dash of humour - this is high-school-midday-soapie-drama-time people! Also, don't get mad at Sasuke and Sakura...they had reasons. Unreasonable teenage reasons :P We all do stupid shit that seems like a good idea at the time. It just happens a lot more when you're in high school X3_

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**Lonely Hearts Column**_

_Act One – A Woman Scorned_

Neji grinned uncharacteristically, and perhaps a mite evilly, as he caught up to Naruto in the school corridor, such was the awesomeness of the news he was about to deliver. Naruto noticed immediately despite his tendency toward obliviousness.

"What the fuck, Neji? Quit leering…you'll scare the juniors. Hell, you're scarin' me!"

Hyuuga ignored the remark with little difficulty due to his fantastic mood.

"Naruto, Ino divulged something quite interesting during Biology this morning."

"Oh yeah?" the other teen drawled, far from interested as the pair fell in to step. "Was it the type of conditioner she uses? I know you've been jealous of her shine since middle school."

Neji's smirk disappeared. "I'm under no obligation to share this information with you. Plus, her hair may be shiny but mine has much more body and life."

Naruto shook his head, appearing thoughtful. "You know, I bet Ino uses some cheap Woolworths crap while you go and spend all your money on that salon shit made from placentas and pure rainwater taken from the Swedish Alps by virgins or whatever."

"…That's disgusting, Uzumaki."

"What, you got something against virgins?"

"…"

"Oh, I see…you're racist, Hyuuga. Don't like the Swedes, hm?"

"Your ability to talk without actually saying anything is rather astounding," Neji deadpanned, wondering quite suddenly why and how they were still on such a topic. "You'll make Kakashi-sensei particularly proud."

"That's unnecessarily mean," Naruto pouted, shoving open the door to their shared Computer class. "I'm nothing like that lazy-ass pervert."

They were ten minutes early for their Computer class as usual, giving the pair time to check emails and browse the internet before the teacher was keeping tabs on their online activity. Naruto dumped his bag beside his usual computer station and threw himself in to the chair, logging on and pulling up the web browser.

"Neji, if you ain't gonna use this time then why the hell did you cut lunch short today?" Naruto cocked a brow at his friend, swivelling in his chair restlessly.

"Well, as I was telling you earlier, Ino let slip some priceless information in first period Bio," the teen replied, sitting down in a much more dignified manner. "Some information I'm sure your boundless creativity and unsatisfied thirst for revenge could find a use for."

Uzumaki snorted. "Ino doesn't just 'let things slip'. She's a gossip and a shit-stirrer. Though a reliable one, I have to admit. Well you've got my attention with the whole thirst for revenge thing...so it's about Uchiha, the world's biggest prick."

Neji shook his head slightly. "I don't understand you two. You were best friends up until last year so what happened?"

"Neji, Neji, Neji. No matter how many times you ask, I'm not going to talk about it. The guy's a bastard and you never liked him so what's the big deal, hey?"

Naruto sneered, but it was twisted. More like a bitter scowl, Hyuuga thought every time he saw it. But his friend was right; the only real ties he had to Naruto's ex-best friend was Naruto himself, despite being distantly related to the Uchiha family. The Hyuuga and Uchiha families generally disliked one another; something to do with a feud generations ago that neither family could likely recall the reason of. Not that Neji cared. He didn't like the youngest Uchiha for the same reason most people didn't like him: he was an arrogant bastard. Perhaps too much like myself, Neji often thought.

But Naruto's relationship with Uchiha was vastly different.

The two had been unlikely and surprising friends since middle school, something that changed drastically almost half a year ago. Despite being Naruto's now closest friend, Neji knew next to nothing of what happened. What ever did occur to cause such a rift, the three people involved had remained unwaveringly tight-lipped…because Neji was absolutely certain that Naruto's girlfriend at the time was involved. However, Haruno Sakura had quickly moved to a different school within days of The Incident Naruto Refused To Talk About, making her role in the rift significant and yet completely mysterious. After that, the boys' relationship became venomous. The senior boys, including Neji, were breaking up daily fights between the two before the principal threatened them in to cleaning up their act. Still, Uchiha managed to spread some nasty and crippling rumours about Naruto; the worst of which stuck and continued to circulate.

And so entered Naruto's desire for revenge. He hadn't retaliated to the other's viciousness, instead biding his time to get even. And now Neji smirked again. For sure, what Ino had given him would be put to good use.

"You're right," Neji's smirk grew. "Uchiha's a prick and you'll love what I've got for you."

He dug through his bag to find his Biology notebook, flipping through it to find the curly scrawl of Ino's short message. He ripped the page from his book and handed it to Naruto, who pushed away from the computer to grab it. Naruto stared, his face holding no expression.

"Is this…what I think it is?" he asked eventually, carefully.

Neji merely chuckled.

"How did Ino get a hold of it and why did she give it to you?" Naruto wanted to know.

Neji took great delight in explaining. "It's _amazing_ how small the world is, Naruto. Her brother Deidara is good friends with Uchiha Itachi. The pair thought it would be _lovely_ if their siblings were friends too, and so mobile numbers were swapped. Apparently Ino tried calling the ice prick and, as you can imagine, he reacted in a rather arrogant bastard sort of way." Hyuuga couldn't suppress a particularly satisfied grin. "Nothing like a woman scorned, or so the saying goes. She was quite happy to share. Didn't even care for any gossip in return she was that pissed."

Naruto shook his head, his eyes widening slowly in disbelief at the sheer potential for revenge he held. "Uchiha Sasuke's mobile number. Neji, you are fucking amazing. This is so brilliant! So many possibilities…I'm gonna have to think on this."

Neji chuckled at the glint in his friend's usually rather innocent eyes. "Don't rush it. I know you want this to be worth it."

Naruto nodded, slipping the scrap of paper in to his pocket as the end of lunch bell rang. He already had an idea forming and knew if it was executed well, Uchiha Sasuke would be pissed as hell by the end of the week. _Guaranteed_.

_Act Two – Later That Week_

Uchiha Sasuke purposely took the long way to his History class; not for the exercise but to avoid a certain girl. He was fairly certain his brother was somehow responsible for Ino getting a hold of his number, but Itachi had already disappeared back to uni for the semester. Which was a shame, thought Sasuke, since he could do with a good argument. Ino had been awful to handle over the phone. He had tried to hold on to the last vestiges of his patience and sanity until he could end the call, but Ino had other plans. She had asked, demanded, begged, bribed, screamed, cried and Sasuke snapped.

"No!" he had yelled. "I won't fucking fuck you for fuck's sake! Have some goddamn dignity!"

Ino had been Sakura's friend, he knew. He wasn't sure if they were still in touch. Probably not, Sasuke thought; the pair had been rather superficial friends in reality. He quickly steered his wandering thoughts away from the bubbly pink-haired girl; that path led to memories best left alone and in the past.

Sasuke quickened his steps. Taking the scenic route to class was great for avoiding Ino but not so great for actually getting to class on time. He felt his phone vibrate in his hip pocket in response to a received message as he jogged in to his History class, seconds before Iruka-sensei arrived. Sasuke ignored his mobile as he took his seat. It had been vibrating all morning; a scarily persistent Ino, he thought with more than a little annoyance and some dread. He didn't have the time nor inclination to check his messages during class, so he pulled out his notepad and jotted down notes as Iruka-sensei tried to make History much more interesting than it actually was. For the most part the man succeeded, which Sasuke thought was a win all on its own considering how much he himself disliked the subject.

It wasn't until twenty minutes later did Sasuke think something was not quite right. His phone was buzzing more than it was motionless, which was incredibly distracting, so he snuck it out of his pocket under the desk and glanced at it.

_52 missed calls. 109 unread messages. 14 multimedia messages. Memory full. Unable to receive further messages. Would you like to delete some data now?_

"What the fuck?" Sasuke muttered, hoping like hell Ino wasn't the stalker type.

If he was honest with himself, Sasuke wouldn't rack up that kind of unanswered mail if he didn't answer his phone for a year. He wasn't particularly popular since his and Naruto's falling out, not that he had been overly social in the first place.

Cautiously and suspiciously Uchiha flicked through the missed calls log, ditching his stalker-Ino assumption as he realised that the calls were mostly from differing numbers. Oh fuck, he thought immediately, she's gone and given my number to all her desperate friends.

He was startled out of his growing trepidation when a scrunched up ball of paper hit him squarely on the cheek. Sasuke jerked his glare to the right to clash with a very much unaffected Kiba. The scruffy teen then did the strangest thing Uchiha had ever seen. He winked at Sasuke with a wide teasing grin before blowing him a kiss and dissolving in to fits of silent laughter. This act was seen by several other classmates, who found it equally amusing. Sasuke snapped his glare away from Kiba and back to his phone, History more or less forgotten. He hated being mocked, but he got the feeling that it was happening on a grand scale…and that it was likely going to get worse. He didn't know what the hell was going on while everyone else seemed to be in on some big Sasuke-joke.

It pissed him off and made him feel a mite anxious.

He figured the non-stop vibration of his mobile had something to do with it as well, so he began punching buttons to view the first multimedia message, common sense taking a back seat while his frustration drove. Sasuke's eyes widened and he felt heat rushing to his face as the image of a mostly naked woman filled the small screen.

He had seen bare flesh, of course. Nakedness wasn't the problem, ignoring the fact that it was in a message sent to his phone. No, it was the woman's hand moving against her very much uncovered privates with what appeared to be a large white vibrator as she moaned to the now suddenly silent classroom.

"Hah, hah, mmmm Sasuke," the phone broadcasted to Sasuke's entire History class. "Just imagining you – haaaaah – deep – mmmmm – inside of me is turning me oooooon, taking me – ahhh ah – so close. Mmmhaaah ahh! Thrusting in to my – hah hah ahhh ah ahh – soaking wet – hah ah aaah mmmahh…"

The woman was well caught up in the pleasurable throes of her solo act before Sasuke snapped out of his shocked frozen state, fumbling to close the message. Much too late of course. He stood up abruptly, knowing and hating that his face was flaming. Of course his phone was going off again in his hand, flashing and vibrating from yet another incoming call. Sasuke didn't even look at the screen as he rejected the call instantly and turned his phone off completely.

Embarrassment didn't quite describe how Uchiha felt. Mortification with a side of Furious swimming in Humiliation topped by a generous serving of Fucking Pissed Off came a little closer. Sasuke picked up his bag, shoving his notebook and pen in to it rather forcefully along with his goddamn mobile.

"Excuse me, Iruka-sensei," he managed, satisfied that he sounded close to normal, and then he left.

Catcalls, fake moans and 'Call me!' followed him in to the hallway, all of which he tried to ignore with little success. Sasuke stormed down the corridor, not certain about where he was going except _away from people_…but he stopped dead in his tracks as the PA system crackled throughout the school.

"Uchiha Sasuke, please come to the Principal's office immediately. Uchiha Sasuke."

Sasuke jerked around stiffly to make his way to Tsunade-sama's office, figuring Iruka-sensei had contacted her about what happened in class. As soon as she was finished with him, Sasuke decided, he was going to ditch school and buy himself a whole new phone, plan and number…and he wasn't going to hand that number out to ANYBODY.

_Act Three – Two Days Earlier_

Naruto stared at the open newspaper and then his mobile phone, wondering if what he was about to do was really a good idea. Sasuke had caused him a lot of pain but Naruto wasn't really the malicious type…and yet malicious intent he certainly had with the knowledge of Uchiha's number.

How many people _really_ read this page of the paper anyway, he reasoned. Likely no one their age for sure, he told himself. So even if he did carry out his diabolical plan, hardly anyone would know about it. But Uchiha deserves some payback, Naruto scowled bitterly, after everything that prick has done. So he pulled the newspaper closer and punched in the number at the top of the page, his resolve hardened completely. It wasn't as bad as spreading spiteful rumours, Naruto mused as he listened to the ringing tone, but he only wanted to piss Sasuke off and maybe humble him a little.

"Konoha Chronicle. How may I help you?"

"Uh hi," Naruto hesitated for a moment, before pushing onward. "I'd like to place an ad in the paper."

"Certainly, sir," the switchboard operator replied cheerfully. "In what section would you like your ad to appear?"

Naruto grinned as he told the woman, slowly beginning to enjoy himself.

_Act Four – One Day Earlier_

Ino dragged herself to the kitchen to make some toast and a much needed coffee. She wasn't a morning person. Her father had already left for work so only her mother sat at the breakfast table, Deidara sleeping in on days he didn't need to attend uni.

"Morning," Ino yawned after downing enough caffeine to be sociable.

Her mother smiled over the paper she was reading. "Ino, you're caught in a vicious cycle. If you didn't drink coffee you wouldn't be a zombie of a morning, and now you can't function without it."

The teen waved away the words as she took a bite of her jam toast, her mother chuckling as she went back to her newspaper. Generally their breakfast ritual was done in comfortable silence, but out of the blue Ino's mother queried her daughter.

"This boy attends your school doesn't he?"

Ino looked up to take the newspaper being thrust in her direction, her eyes boggling as she stared at what her mother was pointing at. After feeling vaguely concerned her mother was reading _that_ section of the paper, all Ino could do was stare. A photo of Uchiha Sasuke was nestled beside several lines of text that Ino had to read three times to be sure she wasn't imagining it.

"No. Fucking. Way."

"Ino! Language!"

She ignored her mother's admonishment as she dashed to her room, all vestiges of her morning bleariness gone completely as she swept up her mobile.

"Hello?" A tired voice answered, clearly having just been woken.

"Tenten, holy shit!" Ino blared down the line. "Go get today's Chronicle and check out page 42! You gotta see it to believe it!"

Tenten mumbled a complaint about how early it was but followed her friend's excited instructions nevertheless. Ino strained her ears as Tenten rustled through the newspaper, a sharp intake of breath evidence that the other girl had spotted the unbelievable.

"Oh. My. God."

Ino grinned, already thinking about who she was going to tell next.

_Act Five – Present_

Kiba flicked through the newspaper gleefully as the small crowd of students around him, Naruto and Neji seemed to swell in number every second. Naruto's eyes darted around nervously. Any moment he was expecting to get busted by a teacher. He wasn't even doing anything, but with the way the number of people around Kiba had increased exponentially within the past minute, he expected a teacher to come around the corner and think of _something_ to pin on them because _something_ was clearly going on.

"Wait, wait, wait," Kiba was giggling almost hysterically as he flipped through the paper to the right page. "It's great you guys, you gotta hear this!"

Naruto already knew what it was; he had been the one entirely responsible for the giggles, gossip and rumours that were flying through the school corridors after all. The only person who knew that, however, was Neji. And even then Naruto hadn't told him – Neji just _knew_. What he didn't understand was how the whole thing had spread like wildfire. But then, he thought, this was high school. And he was starting to feel he had done a really awful thing to Sasuke, despite everything Uchiha had done.

Kiba yelled loudly as he found the page he was after, ahem-ing and rustling the pages and making a huge fuss about what he was about to read because the crowd around him was _riveted_. Everyone had heard but not everyone had seen it since the local newspaper wasn't exactly a medium many teenagers read. Kiba cleared his throat dramatically one more time and Naruto waited for him to start reading aloud, his gut churning and threatening to surge upward and out. He already _knew_ what was written in the paper, and perhaps that was the worst part of it.

"Hi," Kiba started with his mock Sasuke voice that was almost spot-on, save for the gay flair he had added to score laughs. "My name's Sasuke, honey, and _I_ want to hear from _you_. I'm looking for that _special someone_ to cuddle up with at night. Someone who can _fire_ me up and melt the ice around my _cold heart_. If you're interested, call me on 7278 537 468. If you're not interested, check out my photo and I _bet_ you change your mind!"

There was a split second of silence before Kiba burst in to hysterical laughter along with nearly everyone else in the impromptu gathering, the newspaper snatched from his hands as students read it for themselves and giggled manically before passing it to someone else. Suddenly Kurenai-sensei rounded the corner and everyone scattered, Naruto and Neji included.

The pair caught their breath on the side of the school's music hall, leaning against the brick wall as though they'd been there all lunch when Iruka-sensei walked past. Neji chuckled when the man disappeared around the corner, straightening his hair and tie after their unexpected dash.

"I'm thoroughly impressed, Uzumaki," he said, still grinning slightly. "I really didn't think you had it in you but that was fantastic."

Naruto's stomach clenched and he couldn't quite speak around the sheer self-loathing that was lodged in his throat.

"Apparently Uchiha found out about it during History," Neji continued, crossing his legs and arms as he settled against the brick. "The way Kiba described it sounded as though it was brilliant. But Ino said the principal allowed him to go home. I bet he won't be back tomorrow either."

"Shame," Neji said after a moment, darting a glance at his quiet companion. "The look on his face would've been _priceless_."

At this point Naruto really wanted to spew, and apparently his face showed it since his friend was suddenly looking at him more closely.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"No. I-" Naruto shook his head and then slammed back against the wall.

Then Neji knew. He frowned and shoved Naruto's shoulder gently with his own.

"Are you kidding me? I can't believe you feel bad. Does this even compare to anything he did to you?"

Did it, Naruto wondered. But that didn't matter, his conscience replied immediately. And then his conscience suddenly took the form of Iruka-sensei waving his finger and scolding Naruto, "Two wrongs don't make a right, Uzumaki Naruto". Inherently he knew that. Right down to his goddamn toenails, Naruto knew that publicly humiliating Sasuke like that was low. But he didn't think it was fair that he felt bad. After what Sasuke and Sakura- Naruto shook his head.

It had happened about six months ago and Naruto still hadn't forgotten. The pain, shock and betrayal. It was all still there, just wrapped up tightly in the same way he had swallowed the feelings at the time.

He was sick of it. That bitter aftertaste that was always there. But he didn't want to choke it down any more. It had made him do something he would never have done, and humiliating Sasuke hadn't achieved anything other than finally hitting home the realisation that this. Had. To. Stop. Naruto couldn't feel like this forever. Sakura had moved away and Uchiha had let Naruto hit him far too many times when they threw punches.

It wasn't enough.

Naruto pushed off the music hall brick wall. "I didn't let either of them explain."

Neji only looked at him. "Sasuke and Sakura?"

"Yeah," and then he laughed at himself. "Didn't matter though really. I wouldn't have listened to a word they said. But now..."

He sighed and looked at his friend, who leaned back against the wall once more. "You think they can say anything now that you will listen to?"

"I don't know," Naruto said. "And that bothers me because I _want_ to know."

"To be clear," Neji called to Naruto's back as he walked away, "no matter what happens, _I'm_ your best friend."

Uzumaki waved over his shoulder with a laugh. "That wasn't something that was ever up for debate, Neji."

"...Just checking."

_Act Six – Sasuke's House_

Naruto knew for a fact that the only Uchiha home at this time of day would be Sasuke. And theoretically Sasuke really oughtn't be anyway since it was during school hours. But circumstances being what they were, Naruto had bunked off school after talking with Neji and was now climbing the drainpipe to his ex-friend's room.

Despite not visiting for close to half a year, scaling the Uchiha house wall was as easy as it always had been. Naruto and Sasuke had become quite adept at the skill when they were thirteen; when Sasuke had a rebellious streak a mile long that had a tendency to get him sent to his room rather frequently. Naruto would bring an emergency supply of comics, food and his GameBoy, and they'd spend Sasuke's punishment time doing exactly what they'd do if Sasuke _wasn't_ in trouble.

Today was a little different. Naruto hadn't spoken to him since their last punch-up four or five months ago, and likely his words at that time hadn't been particularly friendly.

He tapped their old secret code against Sasuke's window, and was surprised when it was opened so quickly.

Sasuke stared down at him and seemed at a loss. "Naruto? What..?"

Naruto hung on to the drainpipe. "You gonna let me in or what?"

Sasuke moved out of the way, giving Naruto room to hoist himself inside. Though once he was settled on the edge of Sasuke's desk, the silence was stifling. There was so much in the air that Naruto didn't know what to start with, and probably picked the safest of his many choices.

"Today," he started, looking at his hands. "Your Lonely Hearts ad? That was-"

"You," Sasuke said, sitting at the foot of his bed. "I figured."

Naruto's face jerked up then. "You _knew_ it was me?"

"Not straight away," the other teen's face was blank, staring at the ground near Naruto's feet. "I looked at it when I got home and recognised the photo."

Naruto nodded absently. He knew the photograph in question of course. He only had one picture of Sasuke, and it was of the two of them. A picture of them both smiling. The _only _picture he had of them both smiling because it was hard to catch Uchiha sporting a grin.

"I was pissed off," Sasuke said, and he still sounded a little pissed.

"I didn't really mean for it to get so out of hand," Naruto offered honestly, annoyed at himself for feeling guilty. "I just..."

Sasuke picked up where Naruto trailed off. "You just wanted to get me back."

They looked at each other then and understood that the past six months hadn't been easy for either of them. Naruto didn't _really_ care how Sasuke was feeling, but he was sick of the thoughts and feelings that choked him when it came to Sasuke and Sakura. But not wanting it didn't make it so, and anger had Naruto on his feet.

"What the hell was I supposed to think, Sasuke?" he started off relatively calmly, but he could hear the emotion seeping in to his voice. "It was pretty fucking obvious what was going on. I walk in and you're-"

Naruto stumbled here but picked himself up quickly, pretending not to see the look of something that could almost be labelled as pain on Sasuke's face.

"I walk in and you're **fucking** _my_ _girlfriend_!"

"I-" Sasuke whispered, but clearly he couldn't think of something- _anything_ to say.

But now Naruto had built up steam. He hadn't confronted Sasuke or Sakura about it and it was all unravelling out of his control.

"You're what?" he yelled, hating the burn behind his eyes. "You're sorry?!"

"No."

And Naruto was honestly scared he could've seriously hurt Sasuke in that moment. He threw the computer chair against the door instead, satisfied and yet not by the echoing smash of metal on timber. But then he couldn't see because his tears blurred his vision and he struggled for breath. Struggled to not cry and failed.

"I hate you," Naruto wanted to scream but his voice was barely more than a whisper. "I fucking hate you so much, Uchiha Sasuke."

"I know," Sasuke said just as quietly. "You've told me. Several times."

Naruto looked up and felt renewed fury at seeing Sasuke wipe at his own eyes furtively. Why? Why the fuck was _he_ crying? He must've asked aloud because Sasuke jerked bodily at being caught.

"It doesn't matter, Naruto," his voice was low and thick. "It doesn't matter because it's better this way. Better that you hate me."

"What the fuck? _Better?_ Fucking _better_ than _what_?!"

Sasuke shook his head slightly. "Sakura..."

Naruto swiped away his own tears and finally words that he really wanted to say tumbled out.

"It was never about her!" Naruto knew his voice was too loud. "We were together for, what, two months? Not even?" He laughed at himself with ugly surprise. "I can't even remember!"

He glared hard at Sasuke who stared straight back. "It was about _you_. About _us_! You- you're...you were my _best friend_. I don't- didn't understand how you could- how- why you would do that to me."

Somewhere along the line Naruto knew he was crying again, but Sasuke was suddenly a flurry of movement, kicking his bent computer chair out of the way and shoving Naruto out of his door. Sasuke was yelling, his face damp and scrunched up and all hard dark lines filled with shame, pain and anger.

"Get out! If you want to know so badly, talk to Sakura! But just _get out_!"

_Act Seven – Ex-Girlfriend  
_

The busride to Sakura's was long, but it gave Naruto time to settle down. He didn't know her address since she moved – didn't care to know if he was honest – and had crammed himself in a public phone booth and flicked through the phone book, calling every listed Haruno and asking for Sakura. The fourth try was the charm, and even before he asked for Sakura he recognised her mother's voice. He hung up and copied the address from the phone book before jumping on the next bus.

The whole ride he wondered what the hell he was going to say and even as he walked slowly up the Haruno's front path, Naruto still had no idea. If he was painfully honest, he was scared about finally knowing. Sasuke and Sakura had hurt him badly; he couldn't think of an even halfway reasonable excuse they could feed him for what they did.

And yet, Naruto couldn't help but remember how Sasuke had said it was better that he hate him. Better than _what_? Better than knowing the _why_? Better than knowing the _truth_?

Not knowing was eating Naruto. He had the fucking _right_ to know why his best friend and girlfriend thought it was acceptable to fuck in his own bed.

He took a breath and rung the doorbell, listening as it sounded cheerfully.

"I'll get it!" he heard Sakura yell, and then the door flung open and they were staring at each other.

Sakura was still pretty. Her hair was much shorter, skimming her shoulders rather than flowing around her face and down her back. It suited her.

Not bothering with pleasantries, since Naruto felt he was entitled to be somewhat rude, he simply thrust his hands in to his pockets and stared at her.

"Sasuke suggested I speak with you if I really want to know. And Sakura, I really want to know."

Sakura recovered from her shock enough to cross her arms and look uncomfortable. "You two are still friends then?"

Naruto barked out a short sharp laugh. "Oh no, we aren't; both of you made that certain."

Sakura flushed darkly and stared over Naruto's shoulder. He sighed, feeling that unfair guilt his conscience insisted on dredging up.

"Look," he said, a little more gently. "I'm not here for anything other than the truth. I just want to know _why_."

Sakura closed her eyes for a long moment. "Yeah. Yeah, I think it'd be better for all of us. Okay."

She pulled the front door shut and sat in the shade of a tree in the yard, Naruto following and flopping down on his back next to her. The stayed like that for the whole time Sakura spoke quietly, neither looking in the other's direction even after she finished.

"Well," Naruto said finally, voice low as he stood. "Now I know."

_Act Eight - Flashback_

"Naruto's going to be an hour late. He agreed to stay back and help coach Konohamaru's soccer team."

Sakura stood in the middle of Naruto's bedroom, staring at Sasuke and trying hard not to be thrilled about this development.

"Well," she said finally, smiling as she gripped her backpack straps, "we probably shouldn't start our Social Science assignment until he gets here, so what do you want to do while-"

Sasuke threw his bag down hard against Naruto's bed, surprising Sakura in to silence.

"Cut the crap, Sakura," he growled, glaring at her darkly beneath his bangs. "I'm on to your fucked up game!"

Her eyes widened as he continued, striding across the room to tower over her.

"I know you're just with him in some fucked up hope of getting closer to me! It's _sick_ and it won't work!"

Sakura stared up at her boyfriend's best friend as she crossed her arms defensively. And then she smiled.

"I've seen how you look at him."

"W-what?" Sasuke seemed to shrink a little as he took a step back, and Sakura knew that she hadn't been mistaken.

"You're much too angry about this. Our relationship isn't serious. I'm not doing anything hurtful or wrong, so why are you so angry?"

Sasuke scoffed, recovering slightly. "Sure, and does Naruto know that it's not serious, or is that a _tiny _fact you're keeping to yourself?"

Sakura ignored the guilt and focused on what she wanted. "You're angry because he likes _me_. He's not interested in you because he's not fucking _queer_!"

Her head jerked to the side and she gasped with pain and shock, slowly turning to face Sasuke once more. Sasuke himself stared at his reddening hand, and then the matching angry print splayed across Sakura's cheek.

"Fuck," he whispered. "Fuck."

"Why don't you tell him why I'm with him?" Sakura whispered back, tears springing to her eyes from the stinging pain. "And then I'll tell him about how you slapped me because-"

"Shut up."

And Sakura did because Sasuke looked close to tears. He glared at her despite the flush rising in his face.

"You don't fucking get it, do you. I don't just _like_ him, okay? You flit in to his life and instantly he's taken with you, and you're not even with him for _him_. I hate you for it and I hate him for it because _I_ want to be the one. You don't give a shit and I do, so why the fuck do _you_ get to be the one? You don't even have to _try_."

"Shit," Sakura whispered. "You're in love with him, aren't you?"

Sasuke dropped his glare to his red hand but said nothing.

"I won't ever love Naruto," Sakura said after a long moment. "But that doesn't mean I don't like him or enjoy spending time with him, so don't paint me to be a bitch."

Sasuke just shook his head slightly. "You're not going to end it, are you."

Sakura almost hated herself, but desire and perceived love made people do funny things. "That's hardly fair, is it? I mean, then you can get Naruto all to yourself again but I don't get what I want."

"That's sick, Sakura."

Sasuke did look disgusted, but Sakura was smart enough to know that it wasn't only aimed at her.

"Hardly," she murmured, reaching out to caress his cheek. "You're considering it."

Sasuke flinched but didn't move.

"I'll break it off and you can try all you want."

"...Just the once, Sakura. And you break it off immediately."

Sakura nodded and leaned forward, brushing her lips over his. Sasuke closed his eyes then, it was easier that way for so many reasons, and wouldn't open them again until Naruto burst in to the room. And even then, he wished he had kept them squeezed shut so he didn't have to see his best friend's expression.

Sasuke thrust in to her from behind, he didn't want to see her face, his cheek resting against the warm skin of her back as he moaned, and in his mind it was blond and tan and soul-piercing blue that was breathless beneath him.

And then everything shattered when Naruto came back earlier than expected.

_Act Nine - Revelations_

Naruto stared up at Sasuke's bedroom window once more. It wasn't particularly surprising that Sakura had been with him for less than real reasons. He had suspected it. But, as he had shouted at Sasuke only a few hours earlier, it was never about her. It was Sasuke betraying him that had cut so deep.

Thinking back on what Sakura had told him, Naruto couldn't help but think that Sasuke had the most fucked up way of showing his like. _Sleeping with Sakura so she would break up with him?_ Naruto shook his head. Totally fucked up.

He was over feeling angry though.

Scanning the Uchiha driveway Naruto chose a few small stones, and threw them one after the other at Sasuke's window. Sasuke's head immediately popped out with a glare that dissipated when it settled on Naruto.

"Sakura told me," Naruto offered up by way of explanation. "Everything."

"O-oh?" Sasuke managed faintly.

Naruto looked down at his feet for a moment before lifting his face toward his best friend. "Did you start those rumours about me?"

"Don't be ridiculous!" he shot back, arms tense against his windowsill.

Naruto grinned then, and waved, before turning on his heel for home.

_Act Ten - Lonely Hearts Ad_

Sasuke wasn't at school the next day. Naruto wasn't overly surprised. But Sasuke returned the day after, along with a school-wide sensation.

Naruto stared at the full-page advert Neji thrust in to his face, the same one that was plastered all over the school noticeboards and haphazardly taped to a great many walls and poles.

"Are you responsible for this?" Neji asked.

"Absolutely not," Naruto tore the page from his friend's hands. "But I reckon I know who is."

He followed the instructions in the advert, finding Sasuke sitting under the huge oak tree in the middle of the school courtyard; the place where they used to sit and eat together. There were crowds of students hanging around but Uchiha was ignoring them, just sitting and waiting.

Naruto stood right in front of Sasuke, the torn advertisement still in his hand.

He grinned down at his friend when Sasuke looked up. "I want to reply to your Lonely Hearts ad, Sasuke."

Sasuke smiled back then, and Naruto flopped down beside him, holding up the newpaper page that was mostly filled by the photo of the two of them. The only one where they were both smiling.

_Hi, my name is Uchiha Sasuke. Six months ago I did something stupid and lost my best friend, Uzumaki Naruto. From what I understand, the position of best friend is no longer an option, so I'm seeking a longterm intimate relationship. If that's not possible, I'm happy to settle for the spot of second best friend. Naruto, if you're interested, find me where we used to sit before I messed everything up. Since I won't settle for second best, only replies from Uzumaki Naruto will be considered._


End file.
